Working with kids from the inner-city, foster homes, orphanages, and the like, has been the most challenging work I’ve ever done, but definitely the most rewarding.  For those who haven’t heard, I have been up at a summer camp the past four weeks.  Camp officially started two weeks ago, so I just completed two weeks of actually working with the kids.  These two weeks were scholarship weeks, so we—the counselors—knew it would be hard.  Last week was a little challenging because my girls weren’t the best listeners and didn’t like to talk to me or my fellow counselor. 

When the next week started last Sunday night I got really excited because my six new girls loved to talk, ask questions, let me know what they were thinking, and they listened!!  I was extremely happy… I was until Monday night, anyway.  By then we had experienced our first conflict between two of our girls and had realized that at least one was very angry with God.  The other was very rebellious and a liar.  That was really hard to deal with.  

Wednesday night, the angry girl refused to go into chapel.  After I had insisted, she said, “No!  I’m not going in and hearing anymore about God stuff.  That’s just ** and I can’t stand it anymore.  **  God obviously doesn’t work for you, so why should He work for me?”  Those words just broke my heart.  Another staff member came by right then and let me go and said she’d bring the camper to chapel.  Finally the girl agreed to go into chapel and came and sat down by me.  All through the message, she was shaking her head “no” to everything the leader said. 

That night after devotions, we (my fellow counselor and I) took the two girls out of the cabin and told them they needed to resolve their conflict with each other and couldn’t go back to the cabin until they did so.  About an hour and half later (probably about midnight plus thirty) they finally grudgingly apologized (thanks to the help of another counselor’s counsel).  We let them go back to the cabin and to bed. 

I couldn’t sleep even though I was dead tired, so I grabbed my bible and journal and went to pray for a while.  I told God how I felt: tired, useless, unhelpful, and totally incapable of what He wanted me to.  I gave everything to Him and asked Him to perform a miracle in these girls’ hearts.  I knew He was the only One who could change anything.  I wrote in my journal:

Late Wednesday night... no; Thursday morning: 00:27:00...

I am so at the end of my rope.  I’m exited that only God can take over, but I’m quite apprehensive about tomorrow. 

“My” psalm is coming back to me as well as the movie we watched on the weekend (“Facing the Giants” and the song “With You”).  Read Psalm 27.  Wow!

Also, “How Great is Our God”!  Too true.  Give me Your Spirit.  Shine through me.

Save those girls, Lord.  Only You can change such an awfully stubborn, rebellious child like [the one] and an angry, proud, stubborn child like [the other].  Save them, Father.  I beg You.  Reveal Yourself to them tonight, tomorrow, Friday.  Lord they need You!  Use me if it be Your will.  Use [the chapel speakers, my other counselor, the other staff members involved].  Change their hearts.

I finally went to lie down, but didn’t really sleep.  I got up and sought Him out again begging Him to work through me that day, since I couldn’t do anything without Him anyway.  Once again, my journal is the best representation of my thoughts:

“No man can by any means redeem his brother”  Psalm 49:7  I can’t redeem [my 2 campers].

“Let Your compassion come quickly  to meet us, for we are brought very low.”  Psalm 79:8  Oh God, I am brought VERY LOW.  Let Your compassion  come quickly to meet me!  Please, Lord!

“According to the greatness Your power preserve those who are doomed to die.”  Psalm 79:10.  Lord, preserve [my girls].  Without Your help, they are doomed to Die!

“In return for my love they act as my accusers; but I am in prayer.”  Psalm 109:4

“But You, O God, the Lord, deal kindly with me for Your name’s sake; because Your lovingkindness is good, deliver me; for I am afflicted and needy, and my heart is wounded within me… Help me, O Lord my God; save me according to Your lovingkindness.  And let them know that this is Your hand; You, Lord, have done it… With my mouth I will give thanks abundantly to the Lord; and in the midst of many I will praise Him.  For He stands at the right hand of the needy, to save him from those who judge his soul.”  Psalm 109:21-31

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.”  Psalm 139:23&24

O God, whatever You have for my work today, please don’t let me miss it.  Cause my eyes to be open to Your plan.  Lord, I know I can’t get through this day.  I thank You that You can and will.  I pray that Your spirit would shine brightly through me.  May Your JOY be my strength.  I feel completely exhausted, without strength, emotionally low, physically low, my morale is even low  My throat is killing me and I have a major headache.  My eyes hurt really hurt and so does my leg.  I want to finish this week well, not for personal benefit (because I have a feeling I’m going to be sick), but because I want to be an example of someone relying on God and living the amazing life of Christ in a human.

Help me, Father!  Thank You for giving me the victory; help me to remain in it today and not my own flesh, will, etc.

Friday! June 20, 2008  06:56

Praise be to God.  He is so good.  He can perform miracles right before my very eyes.  Glory be to the Son who gave up all to accomplish the one task that can bring us to God.

While I was giving everything to God, He was doing a miracle in the heart of that “stubborn, angry, proud” heart of [my camper].  In devotion time yesterday morning she asked to close in prayer.  Oh my goodness!!!  Even now I can only shake my head and smile.  J  He is SO good!  She thanked God for her many friends here (?), for her counselors always being there [here] for her (?), and for God being in her life (!!??).  I just stood back and praised God.  She’s treating [the other girl] amazingly nice—going out of her way to take care of her.  Then at supper she asked to pray—yes, at the Fish House, in front of EVERYONE.  So cool.  And, now I am not surprised anymore (J), she proclaimed testimony at campfire.  Wow.  God is good!  God is good! 

Thank You, Father, for letting me see You at work!

Looking back, everything seemed to be going wrong this week.  Something happened every day that just seemed to upset me somehow (hyper-extending my knee, slicing my toe open, getting sick, breaking campers’ eye glasses, my camper not liking me or anything else about camp, the list goes on).  I knew that God was going to have to work, not me.  I was so excited to see what He was doing—without me.

I am writing this testimony because of the verse that says, “Go home to your people and report to them what great things the Lord has done to you and how He had mercy on you”  (Mark 5:19).  I pray this is a testimony of how God uses prayer and miracles to accomplish His work.  Never give up praying for even the impossible.  God is work in people’s hearts and we are just to do exactly what He tells us.  And, God is good!

©Elizabeth Busshaus, 2008

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